A big goal achieved…but the body keeps the score…

Was anyone going to show up? Ummmm, YEAH baby!!!

After doing my due diligence and letting everyone know that Facebook had restricted my account and banned me from livestreaming, I will admit to a touch of anxiety. (Ha!)

I put together two posts for my socials. I had to reconfigure my OBS software to accommodate the new streaming parameters without using Facebook as the primary source. I wanted to test before I went live…but I didn’t want to bug my Patreons with a live before the live because I thought it would be too confusing. I just needed to go for it…so I did…

Right before clicking the Go Live button, I took a deep breath and remembered a conversation I’d had over the previous weekend. I found out—and was surprised to hear—one of our besties proclaim that Janis Joplin was his favorite singer of all time.

Gianni quickly jumped in with, “Marci was tasked with covering her and ‘Piece of My Heart’ at a book signing for Taking Woodstock!!!” I then added that I knew I could never truly capture her voice, but I could do my best to capture her authenticity and energy. Our friend said, “She’s my favorite because when she sang, her entire body became the song.”

I carried that pearl of wisdom with me into Tuesday’s show. I didn’t want to “make music.” I wanted to BE the music.

I will say, hopefully without being braggy, it was MAGICAL! Members, old and new, showed up. They engaged. I got a little weepy. I felt truly a part of each song…even the covers that so often challenge me. It was just…perfect. 🥹

Chosen Identity? Who’d a thunk it?

My family has been through a LOT the last bunch of years, but my sister takes the cake. Aside from losing our parents, she lost several in-laws, close friends, and then, most tragically, her husband of 19 years. It was heartbreaking. It felt wrong on every level. And yet, she is one of the strongest beings I know.

She worked her grief like her life depended on it—and it did. Counseling. Group therapy. All the things. She emerged strong, authentic, and, quite frankly, the very best version of her I’ve ever known.

When she started to delve into the art of manifestation, I fully supported her and watched her blossom into this badass, manifesting Queen! 👑

We usually talk when I’m walking to or from the gym. On this particular day, she talked about how she had faltered a bit until she reminded herself of her “Chosen Identity.” Wham. Something hit me so strongly. I craved more insight. I desired the skill and conviction she had developed. Was this the missing piece? What would happen if I clearly defined exactly what I wanted, as well as WHO I wanted to be? And maybe most importantly, how I wanted to FEEL.

I felt this level of enthusiasm I hadn’t felt in a while. I got home, started on a clean page, and wrote it all down. What I wanted. What I needed. What I aspired to. I made a pact with myself that any time a challenge or voice of self-doubt tried to take me down, I was going to reference my Chosen Identity and see if I could shift the moment, or at the very least, my perspective.

We did it! I reached a HUGE Patreon milestone!!!!

When I embarked on this #sixmonthproject, I knew that it would take time, hard work, and focus to make any of the goals manifest. I also hadn’t been prepared for our entire summer being waylaid by a family member’s illness. But life is life, and shit happens. I’ve said over and over again: Family first. And I still do believe that…but it definitely has tried our endurance and patience at times.

Anyway, in the midst of a bit of chaos over discharge dates for my dear mother-in-law…and then postponed, and then back on, which in turn resulted in Gianni and me shifting our schedules back and forth a few times…I realized: I did it. I had reached 50 members on my Patreon.

Now, they are not ALL paid members, but there is significance to reaching the exact number I was shooting for…and from the show of support for Tuesday’s livestream concert, I am taking it as a full-on win!

I will also note that the 50th member WAS a paid member…and that felt really, really validating. Chosen Identity for the win! …Oh, and I’m calling it my CI from now on! 😂🎉

Who put the glass in my gut?

Wednesday, I paid a visit to my mother-in-law in rehab. Gianni’s client hadn’t shown up yet at work, and it was getting late. I also needed to bring her clean laundry and some other stuff…but I digress.

Rehab can be a little stifling and LOUD at times. We always try to get her out of her room and into someplace else for a change of scenery. We opted for the outdoor patio, armed with playing cards and determination. We had a lovely visit. We didn’t even wind up playing cards. We just chatted and enjoyed the fresh air and each other.

A kiss on each cheek, and I was on my way home to get dinner ready. I felt fine all night until I went to bed. All of a sudden, I felt what can only be described as “glass in the gut” all night long. Without bombarding you with TMI, I will share that I made several trips to the bathroom, which resulted in nothing more than more pain. Ugh.

I felt OK the next day. My usual walk-gym workout-walk routine felt OK. Worked down in the studio, did a bunch of admin stuff. I was fine. I thought…. The pain was tolerable… Silly me.

We had planned to make an hour-plus drive to see my friend Mike’s band play for the last time of the season at one of our favorite hangs, Lazy Lobster. Gianni went to visit his mom early so we could leave before the rush-hour traffic hit. He texted me on the way home. He wasn’t feeling great, and his mom was sick; details to come.

Long story short, the rehab had an outbreak of some intestinal/stomach bug. Sick people everywhere, including my poor mom-in-law…and now Gianni, and then…ugh, I could feel it. Chills, tired, pain, pain, pain. Low-grade fever. We canceled our plans. I spent the rest of the day and the next in bed groaning and, when I could eat, eating soft, bland food. Boo!

I kept reciting the attributes of my CI, emphasizing “I am strong and HEALTHY,” until I realized, aha! This was my 3D body testing me. Also, I AM healthy. My healthy body caught a bug.

I’m going to need to reword that line… 😂