Navigating the New Normal when the story keeps changing

Week of July 13 4 verses Yay—more lessons 🙄

Week 7 started out with a state of limbo that slowly ebbed to allow some creative possibilities. The family crisis was allowed to be discussed: My Mother-in-law had a bad fall, broke some bones, and then went into renal failure which was looking pretty dire…and then, she rebounded and things started looking more hopeful.

Verse One

While a loved one still lied in the balance, I had to make peace priorities.

I woke early so I could get myself back to the gym. The rest of the day was focused on being a good support system. I got some grocery shopping done in order to keep life at home as stable as possible for when my husband and his eldest sister. I also put some brain power behind a less-pretty recap for Week 6, which felt like movement in the right direction. I did wrestle with some feelings of guilt for doing “work,” but did my best to give myself grace.

holding it together, one breath at a time

Verse Two

I went live and remembered why I do this.

Tuesday was somewhat of a turning point. Gym. Rehearsal. Publishing my Week 6 recap…and then committing to go live and do my Tuesday Concert. Prior to the actual show I did my usual “pre-show check-in” on my Facebook personal page. I let all the truth spill; the rollercoaster ride of emotions, the mental and physical exhaustion, the guilt for missing being creative, the worry and concern for my worn-down husband, and of course, my weak, but fighting Mother-in-Law.

let the truth spill, then went live anyway

Verse Three

Floundering, then finding an anchor.

Wednesday started another gym workout. I noticed that having some sense of consistency and routine helped my brain that was so eager to dive into depression.

I had canceled my coaching call because nothing was accomplished the week prior to audit, and because the future was still pretty fuzzy, I didn’t want to waste his time…or mine. Instead, I decided to go into the studio and see what I could accomplish in Gian’s absence on the song we had targeted for potential Eurovision pitches. I decided to focus on the piano part—the main instrument of the song. I got some work done, but soon my attention was diverted to life-stuff that needed my focus. Sigh. I was feeling the depression and self-doubt getting its claws in me.

the piano part, when everything else was fuzzy

Verse Four

Wildfires raging in the north. Old demons taunting me.

If life wasn’t feeling hazy enough, we woke to literal orange skies and labored breathing. The wildfires from Canada were so bad that the smoke came down and covered us. My heart ached for our northern neighbors. My brain decided to test me…and then, after deciding to head down into the studio where the air might be a little gentler, I got a call from an old friend. We spoke for nearly an hour and that call reminded me of what truly matters. The connection. The love. The people who are so woven into our souls that even without speaking for months or weeks, we can just jump right into a safe space.

The call energized me. I was able to finish up the piano work and then push myself a little bit further down the road of production on the tune. By the weekend, I felt like I had a structure for the song…and mostly, felt like I could create in the midst of chaos, and give myself grace when the energy wasn’t there. Oh! And Friday, I was able to speak to the camera for my Friday Vibes. No makeup. PJs. Messy hair. Truth.

no makeup, no filter, still here

Once again the sky designed a bigger picture.

also in the mix this week...

the songs keep finding homes

Despite an avalanche of curveballs, the songs I labored over entering into the sync catalog continue to reward me with placements in libraries across the globe. To date I have 124 placements in 80 libraries.

#MusicHeals

Once again, when I was certain I had nothing in me to give, the act of showing up and pulling off a livestream show reanimated me. Suddenly, I remembered that soaring feeling of making music and SHARING it. It made a huge difference for me…and hopefully the folks who joined me.

#SixMonthProject

Yes. I set goals for this project, however ultimately I believe the grander goal was to gain some sense of clarity about myself and my future. As I sit here writing this I do question if it’s the validation I really need, or is there something bigger waiting for me to aspire to? I guess the story continues…

week 8 — on the horizon

Keep going. Human seeking balance...

Continue production on “My Luck,” my Eurovision possible song
Tuesday 4pm ET livestream
Back on track with coaching
Connection. Family. Friends. Music

#SixMonthProject Count-down!